Today, I received a letter from J's nursery. The letter's gist captured in the first 3 sentences:
"Dear Mr and Mrs Low, I am writing to inform you that we are planning a room move for Julien to the Ladybird room on the 2nd April 2012. In the Ladybirds room, we are becoming a lot more mobile and encourage the children to access more activities. In this room, the children will begin to make more friends and play alongside other children."
I suppose I ought to be happy. Delighted. This is, after all, a milestone. And one of the reasons we put J into nursery was to have him interact with other children, learn to socialise and logically end up making friends.
Yes, I ought to be celebrating. Instead, I confess I felt a bit of a sinking feeling. This letter confirms what I have been trying to ignore and even put off (as if it is something I can control) - My baby is a baby no more, but growing unstoppably into a little boy now. Great, my son is now transforming from a caterpillar to a ladybird.
The signs were all there. First, I noticed his feet. They were becoming bigger and sturdier, with an unmistakable stamp of toddlerhood. They were fast losing the look and feel of the cute little wobbly baby feet I know. And his legs - they were lengthening, losing the round cuddliness I love. His face was becoming leaner too with his chin becoming decidedly sharper. Oh, the chubby cheeks I asked for at birth were still there last week, but seem to be almost gone this week! J walks a lot more steadier now as well. He still can't run or jump or hop, but can hurry in his walk and stamp and kick. It won't be long now before this little munchkin discovers the freedom of a run and a skip. Already now, at the playgrounds and baby gyms, he is climbing obstacles that used to daunt him. His favourite in the playground is the slide and today, he climbed the stairs by himself and came down the slide with glee and a loud "Wheeeee..." And this is no baby slide, but the one for older kids.
The second sign: J was fast outgrowing his clothes. He is rightly now beginning the next size: 18 to 24months, but I notice a distinct difference this round with his new PJs. They no longer have as much leftover length as when he started on a new sizing in the past. He seems to be growing much faster this time. And the shoulder seams are all climbing up his shoulders and his little tummy strains against the tops (granted, my little boy does have a bit of a tummy...) Overall, he looks like a little Incredible Hulk in his old clothes now. I can deal with the need to up his clothes size, but what does cause a tremble in my lips is that now as I try to shop for the next size up, it does seem like shops don't stock as much quantity or variety for the 18-24 month size. It feels like there is a gap and a jump to the 2-3year size (I suppose this is perhaps the purchaser thinking from the perspective of parent-shoppers: why spend on the last 6 month stage, when the next size up is a 1 year run?)
So, I find myself reluctantly being nudged from the baby clothes aisle to the toddler clothes aisle. And that causes another upset. I like the cute animal designs that dominate baby clothes; the bulk of toddler clothes seem to be taken over by the big animation companies - they are mostly walking adverts for Cars 2, Toy Story, Thomas the Train etc etc. So far, I have resisted any of the these "commercialised" clothes, but I have a deep suspicion I may not be able to avoid them forever :(
The third sign: J is becoming ever clearer in his pronunciation. Granted, he is still largely babbling and can only say a few words, namely "mama", "papa", "car", "bus", "duck", "deng" (灯), "hua" (花). But his "mama" and "papa" are now decidedly the Chinese 妈妈 and 爸爸! And this just happened over the weekend. Both Daddy Low and I were just amazed listening to him and yes, it is a bit of a cheap thrill, but we got him to say it repeatedly for us. In fact, now, whenever I hear him call me or Daddy Low in Chinese, I still get a literal thrill down my spine! And he has also started saying "No" (just about 2 days ago) in addition to shaking his head, just so I get the message when I try to cajole him, asking him repeatedly. It's not pronounced correctly, but it is so clear that is the word he wants. And this stumps me just as how it stumped me when I first saw that he understood the concepts of "yes" and "no". And now, he understands the word to go with the action. Wow!
In fact, his understanding grows everyday. He understands when I ask him if he wants to go upstairs or come downstairs, whether he wants to bathe, to eat, to sleep etc. Before he eats, he wants to wear his bib. He sees his shirt after bathing and indicates to me he wants it on by putting the shirt on his head. (And if only he knew how, he would put it on; the poor boy is just crying and trying to pull the shirt over his head in vain cos he is holding the shirt flat instead of opening up the hole to put over his head.) He sees fruits in his picture book and he makes a grab for the picture and pretends to eat it. When I ask for some, he would "grab" and bring it to my mouth.
All these and more make me laugh and want to cry at the same time. My baby is growing up! So as I put away his baby clothes and shoes, my heart winces a little. It is a task that takes forever, because every piece brings back a memory and I stop to ooh, smell or just hold the garment tight against me, as I reminisce and try to hold on to the moment a bit longer. And yes, on nostalgic days, I look through J's baby photos and try to figure out the differences month to month and just trace how my baby has been growing without me noticing.
Call this silly sentimentalising on a mother's part, but a baby is always the baby to a mother's heart. Oh yes, my little caterpillar is growing. Go, my little Ladybird. You will always be my baby!
