Julien wants to play!

I had put Julien in the Baby Einstein Sitter to keep him seated while I was ironing. These days, he is a tough customer and would just bawl his head off if I put him lying down if he doesn't fancy it. So, to save myself grief, I thought the Sitter would do, even  if he is still too small to touch everything or appreciate it.

I stopped at one point to check on Jules and he was just sitting there, staring at me. I showed him how some of the toys work, then went back to ironing. Imagine my surprise when I saw him grabbing on to one of the toys when I next checked on him.

I watched him for a bit and saw how he had stretched himself forward to grab the toy with both his hands. It was a toy that had a bird perched on a plastic vine; the bird, when pushed, can rotate on its branch. I had shown Julien that just now, and as I watched him, he was first grabbing the curly plastic vine, and slowly seemed to have worked out that the bird is the movable part. I saw him stretch out his hands to try to grab the bird. And at one point, he managed to touch it, giving it a little nudge. The bird did a half turn and Julien watched it all. 

THAT was a really amazing moment for me, as I felt a sense of pure joy just shoot through me. My boy has just shown me that he wants to play with his toys and can learn how to, once shown how to do it. Amazing! This is just the kind of "first" moments that I have always wanted to catch as a SAHM - Wow! I put aside the ironing and played with Julien for a bit, showing him how the other toys work. But he was unable to do more, simply because he is still too small and could not really reach all the toys. 

Still, it was a precious moment. And the Baby Einstein Sitter had proven its worth - Julien was happily occupied in it and I could do some ironing. I am now looking forward to him growing and being able to sit and play in it properly. And growing and growing... and before we know it, we will be reading, watching movies and going to museums together! I can't wait! :)

Snow in all Shapes and Sizes

We've stayed in cold countries before, but this is the first time I have noticed so much change in one season, or to be precise, so many shapes and forms of one natural element - snow.

So, we are familiar with the soft, white, fluffy stuff, that looks so pretty when it first falls. And now, just into one month odd of winter, I am impressed to find out that snow has so many guises and properties.

I remember one day waking up to a fren's text on my mobile - "It's a silvery world!" I had looked out and indeed the whole scene seems to be sporting a rather surreal icy look. I went out to investigate - the temperatures had dropped so suddenly when it was raining, that everything became encased in ice. (I remembered the night before - how the cold had actually crept into the room, and i had felt so cold even under the duvet!) It was the first time I had seen frozen blades of grass. And for a crazy moment, I wondered if I put some of that in my Bailey's, would it taste like fresh cut grass?

And this ice would be dangerous on the road, because it would not be clearly discernible, just a shiny black patch if you look closely enough. And cars could skid and people could fall if they were not careful.

And yesterday, it started to rain and it felt warm and when we awoke this morning, the snow inn the garden had all just about disappeared. Only a sad little lump of snow at the side bore testimony to its former glory.

And with this temperature rise, we had some serious fog going on. And this fog could last for days, and I remembered how I would worry about Daddy Low out on the roads with this limited vision. And also how for a moment, you are almost convinced that, yes, winter must surely be ending!

Well, let's hope. Let's be done with this snow, thank you!

Frozen leaves

Frozen grass

Julien's 1st Christmas

Recently, two guests have come to stay and spend Julien's first Christmas with us. They have been such delightful company, especially at meal times... Meet Mr Snowman and Rudolph the Reindeer! ;)

Truly, one can buy anything for Christmas and When Daddy Low brought Snowman and Rudolph, the dining chair festive covers, I could not stop laughing. We slipped gem over our chairs and there, they have sat/stood (?) proudly ever since. And what a splendid sight they are. We are having our first white Christmas and I really wanted to buy some potted poinsettia as well, but when I saw it was about 15 pounds for a pot, I decided to do without these "perishables".

Still, we had a great Christmas. And in fact, I would say Julien's first Christmas is anything but uneventful. We had been planning a Christmas party for ages, but because of the sporadic snowing making the roads dangerous, the Christmas party had been a "play by ear" affair. Then, there was that horrible stretch of winter flu. All of us - the hosts as well as the guests - had afflicted by it. Finally, on Christmas Eve, the Met declared that there would be no snow and in fact, it would be a sunny day. And sickened of being stuck at home and all on the road to recovery, the party was finally declared a "Go!"

So, there we were on Christmas Eve, foolhardily braving the crowds in the mall and the supermarket, running last-minute errands and naively thinking that we could get the ingredients needed for our Christmas dinner the next day. A few days before, the dishwasher crashed, bringing the switch down on the fusebox as well as tragically burning out half the lights in our Christmas tree. So, we were out in the mall looking for a solution, and trying to buy gold thread to put up our tree decorations.

We came upon the mall's event hall, where a mini Christmas market has been set up. I was drawn to the carousel, for, believe it or not, I have never been on one! Daddy Low was incredulous to hear that and we paid up, got our tokens and piled on up into the carousel, selecting horses that would move. I got on one and Daddy Low on another, with Julien held snugly and securely in his Baby Bjorn. Was an amazing few minutes ride, when the world just spun around you for a while. Julien was fascinated, looking around at the moving lights and scenery. Me, I am just enjoying the sensation of the air whizzing past me and my horse galloping away. A "first" for both Julien and me :)

At the supermarket, you had the feeling like the world was coming to an end. People were rushing down aisles and packing their trolleys full of stuff. I really only came for chicken wings, but found that there was none! And the veggies were fast disappearing too. Hoping that the Gordon Ramsay gammon recipe is as easy and yummy as he showed on TV, I hastily made a change of plan and grabbed a gammon, some pork loins and whatever greens and herbs I can remember from the recipe instead.

Our gammon turned out to be an adapted version of Gordon Ramsay's recipe, since we were short of some ingredients. But heck, it was still really yummy, and a gammon we were truly proud of for our maiden attempt. My improvised, self-created recipe for the pork loins proved to be a hit and disappeared in no time. The cinnamon-infused apples were also in good demand especially when mixed with the ice cream; I wished I made more. And our guests' contributions were just as wonderful - who can resist Japanese mixed rice and Singaporean chicken curry? Not me! :)

And of course, the highlight - the exchange of presents. Christmas may not be our tradition or custom, but everyone loves presents, and not just the children too! Daddy Low got a beautiful chopping knife from Japan and me, some really serious chocolates. And Julien got some funky Gap pants and cute bath toys. But if I were to sum it all up about this wonderful night: good food + good frens + presents = great time!

So, this must wrap up the night, you think! Oh no, like I said, this is one eventful Christmas. While I was cleaning up, Daddy Low decided to give Julien a bath and a haircut... Except that Julien thought it was a waste of his time and wanted to look around and check what's up... So, with a fateful jerk that resulted in a hole in the hair, Daddy Low decided his son has given him the sign to go all bare... So, my poor boy now is sporting a new skinny haircut and looking very much like a cute Shaolin monk! I was stunned when Daddy Low presented him to me and have to say, was awfully upset at first too. But well, the son's still the son and Julien is the same jovial boy. And when he smiles, his little chubby self almost suggests his second impersonation - a little Laughing Buddha, MY little Laughing Buddha!

Mr Snowman & Rudolph

Daddy Low & Julien on their horse

Me on mine!

Us three in the fairies' grotto

Our delicious gammon

And equally yummy pork loins

Julien & his frens

Ooh... so many presents!

Family Low's 1st Christmas

Our little Laughing Buddha :)

Winter Flu

This has got to be the worst flu ever. One whole week it took to run its course for me. And being the first to go down also means I am the first to bounce back to health. And what a relief it is to be without swollen sinuses, teary eyes, runny nose, an itchy, scratchy throat and a cough that wouldn't stop! The news today states that almost one in ten beds in intensive care units across the country are taken up by flu victims, with about 200 more people fighting for their lives against swine flu compared to last year. So, I have to be thankful that ours are just a horribly uncomfortable experience rather than life-threatening.

Julien is still not totally well and would not stop crying last night. He still has a lot of phlegm in him and while we sucked out as much as we could from his nose, there was nothing we can do for that trapped in the throat. This has affected his appetite and he fed only about 3 times the day before.  

Still, he gave us a hard time last night. As a result, we all slept in and I ended up not having had time to cook a proper lunch and we resorted to a makeshift lunch of frankfurters and tinned soup... which incidentally did happen to be our snowed-in emergency stores... the irony!

Now, I finally understand why my fren A would be upset when someone sick turns up for gatherings. She once jumped back from me three paces when I told her I had the runs... And would only come nearer when I told her it's cos of something I ate. She is frightfully afraid of any virus passing on to her toddler and I had thought she was over-reacting then. Now, I know better. It really is a lot of pain being sick, when you are a little baby! Thankfully, his appetite seems to have returned and at one point today, he wanted feeding hourly. Hopefully, we'll all be well soon to enjoy Christmas!

Enough Snow, Please!

The forecast for today's weather is 10cm of snow. Oh yeah, 10cm! And they were not far off - the snow came down rather generously in the morning and it was really pretty seeing it coming down. Just yesterday, Julien and I had spent the afternoon looking out our full glass windows at the neighborhood covered in snow. I was, in particular, looking at the occasional car driving by and seeing how it copes. Saw some slip-sliding at a bend. Julien was just intrigued by the moving cars.

And today, more snow! The garden with the cherry tree in the middle - which is now a blob of snow sticking out as the centerpiece - reminds me of that scene in Kill Bill, where Uma Thurman and Lucy Liu duel. My balcony table and chair set looked like some new funky art installation of giant soft marshmallows. The little park outside the house looks like a little bit of Narnia... You wouldn't be surprised if the Snow Queen comes round the bend with her carriage now!

But honestly, isn't it just about enough snow now? I think everyone is fed up now. Not new to snow, this country is nevertheless still ill-prepared for it. The roads are choked and the rubbish is partially collected despite the service sending flyers to all that the garbage collection will continue as usual.

And my girlfrens and I are frustrated with being more or less trapped indoors. We had planned a pre-Xmas get-together and was supposed to play Secret Santa to one another's baby, but had to scrape that when we were stuck at home, unable to do any shopping. And in the end, the whole get-together is scrapped because of the heavy snow. And if this continues, my Christmas party this Saturday will be cancelled as well! And that will really be upsetting.

Needless to say, the snow also means difficulty for deliveries. And so, I have been waiting for days now for my online purchases to arrive. And I am afraid to make any returns via the post for fear of it being swallowed up by the Christmas overload. Happily, the only thing that has continued to come as usual is the milk from the dairy. Good ole dairyman! :)

Right then, I hope tomorrow will be better, cos we have a plan to go to the nearby village pub for a nice lunch. Please, be kind, Mistress Weather!

My marshmallow balcony set... check out that layer of snow!

My garden

View outside the house

Daddy Low driving carefully

A thick layer of dirt and snow on the roads...

A Lazy, Stay-in, Snowed-in Weekend

The snow came down steadily and hard. The MET had predicted snow showers for the whole day and we were supposed to have about 3 to 5 inches of snow; this is supposed to be one of UK's worst winters. And our part of UK is supposed to be one of the more severely impacted areas.

I had thought I was better, but am apparently wrong. I woke up feeling flushed and lightheaded. To say I am delirious would be an exaggeration, but I certainly felt groggy and could not think clearly. Daddy Low, not working today, has very nicely decided to let me sleep in and brought Julien with him downstairs. When I woke up, it was already past 1pm. And Daddy Low had lunch ready! Wow! I was really touched.

It was our only day of the week together, since Daddy Low works 6 days now. But since we are all not feeling well and the snow is just coming down non-stop, we decided that it would be a stay-in weekend. Daddy Low was happy, since he was really tired and today, he could watch all the telly he wanted. Despite the late waking up, I still felt drained and went back to nap at 3pm.  And woke up 2 hours later. Can't believe I slept that much today, but felt so much better! Especially after downing countless glasses of Beecham's hot lemon mix. Wonder why they don't have that in Singapore; it's a lifesaver!

I watched the snow come down in the morning when I woke to feed Julien, and I looked at my garden again at lunch time - the garden looked like it is covered with a gigantic, white soft down duvet. And now at dinner time, if the garden is any bigger and has slopes, Daddy Low is convinced we can ski in it.


We decided to put up the Christmas tree, but Daddy Low first has to shovel his way through to the garage to get it. Watching him at work, you would think we are digging a trench in a battlefield - the snow is that deep! Too bad it is so dark, otherwise, I would have a picture of Daddy Low shovelling.


We put up the Christmas tree, but got distracted by a movie... so the Christmas tree was left "undressed" for the night. And looking at Julien's Christmas present, it was simply too big to put under the tree even if wrapped. We decided to assemble it instead. It's called the Baby Einstein Sitter. Looking at the parts, you would think it required an adult Einstein to fit it too... 

Daddy Low soon had it fixed and we put Julien in it. He is still a bit too small to sit by himself in it, but we managed by wedging a small soft toy (my poor Hamtaro!) between his chest and the seat. And with satisfaction, we watched Julien checking out his new toys on the surface. By far, his favourite is the lion drummer, and I think it is because it is so huge, that its face stands out amongst all the other toys. Julien, like all babies, is clearly drawn to faces now. Baby Einstein is an expensive toy, but at least, Julien likes it, so it seems worth the money.  And as we looked around, the living room is slowing being taken over by all his toys and becoming his space instead. Oh, the joys of babyhood! :)


So, that ends our lazy stay-in, snowed-in weekend. Telly for Daddy, sleep for me, and new toy for Julien. And all of us watching the snow coming down prettily from the cosy comfort of our heated home.  Not that bad of a weekend plan for a change.

What a gigantic present! Lucky Jules!

Julien in the Baby Einstein Sitter

Beware the Booger Monster!

There are some entries which I have started one paragraph, but never finished. Or some, where I have just written the title, having in my mind already what I am about to write, but somehow, never got to pen down my thoughts. And interestingly enough, some days, weeks or sometimes even months down the road, the issue comes back to revisit me and I find that I am simply not done with the issue and it demands to be written. 

Today's subject is one such issue.  And it is none other than the overlooked or often dismissed subject of snot. To a baby, snot is a very big issue indeed!

The first time we were acquainted with baby booger is when Julien was one month old.  We were still trying to get used to the constant waking up at night, and had barely slept much when we were rudely awoken that morning at about 6am by a piercing cry from Julien. I was honestly scared. We had never heard him cry like that before; he sounded like he was in so much pain. I can still remember how clueless and panicky we were, or I was, anyway.  I tried feeding him; he wouldn't feed. And then, we realised what it was - he had a terribly blocked nose and was having trouble breathing. I think it must have panicked him. 

We took out our nasal aspirator, but it wouldn't work. Then, Daddy Low had the good sense and calmly checked the internet; I think I was a total bag of nerves by then - just the mother hen getting all worried and fluffed up. "Kan chiong spider", Daddy Low said.  Amazingly, we not only found a worthy website with step-by-step instructions, but one with actually a video that accompanies it. So, we were instructed to first wet the dried-up mucus in the nose with some saline water, then use the nasal aspirator. We had no saline drops at home, so we followed the instructions to make our own - yes, it even came with that! As we dripped it down Julien's nostrils, he went ballistic, wailing his head off and turning red in the face. I felt like I was committing murder, the way he was reacting. I think we both felt really sorry we had to do this, because he was only such a wee little baby and it must have been quite scary as well as physically shocking to first have your nose stuck and unable to breathe and suddenly, next, the sensation of being choked as it flooded.  But as much as it was hard, the result was stupendous. We managed to suck the offending booger out and Baby could breathe after that, and went back to a blissful sleep.


Today, two more aspirators later, we are old hands at this booger-removal business. Well, actually, Daddy Low is. I still find it difficult to put Julien through this painful process, so I have been happy to be just the accessory so far, by helping Daddy Low to hold him down.  The nasal aspirator we use now is a super-duper invention, probably our star buy at the second Baby Show we attended (that is another entry I still want to write about - the Baby Show). It is a tubing with plastic removable chambers, one end plugging into a vacuum cleaner, the other to stick into Baby's nostril to do its magic work. Yes, I also thought the idea barbaric when the promoter walked us through it. But it works like a charm every time we employ it. Sucking manually never does it enough, but by using the force of the vacuum cleaner, our attempts have been a lot more effective. Having said that, I think it is still a horrible experience for Julien though. Not least the fact that the strong sucking force must hurt aside, the enormous sound of the vacuum cleaner coming to life so near to him must have made it seem like a monster. These days, when he has a blocked nose and he sees Daddy Low approaching him with the roaring vacuum cleaner, Julien squirms in my arms. He has clearly learnt that this loud monster is not a friend! And Daddy Low is right to worry that Julien may associate him with this monster... but well, when it has to be done, it has to be done. So, Julien, please bear with it and be thankful; one day, you will understand :)


Yesterday night was a torture, because this time, all three of us have fallen sick. Daddy Low and I were both suffering from a terrible sore throat and I had an itchy cough that would not go away. Poor Julien got it from me, I think - he had a blocked nose and sometimes started sneezing fits, and then his nose would become a bit runny. We tried the Babyvac on him, but it turned up nothing much. And we would still hear the pipes sounding all choked... so we figured he could be having phlegm inside that wouldn't come out as well. 


All day, he was fretful and could not feed well, because he could not breathe properly. He would not be put down to lie on his own, because I think it makes the nose situation worse, so I literally carried him much of the day and from 10pm to 1am, when he fell asleep. I couldn't bare to put him down, once he had fallen asleep, 'cos he had such a hard time falling asleep in the first place. He put up a fight, when I finally put him in bed. And throughout the night, we would hear his laboured breathing, as well as him tossing and turning, crying away.  It was very painful to be coughing away ourselves and suffer a scratchy throat, but to hear your little one suffering is worse, especially because we could not do anything more to help him other than switch on the humidifier.


Today, we went out to the pharmacy and got him a whole host of stuff including gripe water. I gave him some Calpol (baby paracetomol) and he seemed to like the taste and it did seem to help. He still has difficulty breathing, but he was able to sleep more easily. And when I gave him his last feed, he actually was back to his normal playful nature of feeding, unlatching, smiling at me, then feeding again. We also played a bit, where he gurgled away in laughter before bedtime. 


Hopefully, tomorrow will be even better for all of us. My sore throat and cough are starting to feel like they might be on the retreat and I had been able to get some sleep just now when Julien was also asleep. And hopefully, tonight will be a better night and Daddy Low can get some rest too. With Christmas being just one week away, we want to be better soon! 


A friend shared that babies need 345 days of sickness before they turn 6 to achieve full auto immunisation. I don't know how this figure was arrived at, but if true, that means we are just at the beginning of the process. Oh dear, bon courage indeed!

One and Counting...

I met up with 2 pregnant frens recently. WB is due next February, while WY is due next May. Both of them are having their second pregnancy.

And with two pregnant mummies and one breastfeeding mummy, the conversation inevitably circled around pregnancy and motherhood. Did the girls have any nausea? Cravings? Bigger appetite? Any food they don't eat anymore? How much weight have they put on? Any aches? Any pains?How is Nr.1 coping with Nr.2's coming?

And the conversation apart, as I looked at them walking about with their expanding bellies, I am much reminded of my own pregnancy.  It is still hard to believe that I was myself sporting this massive cannon in front just about 3 and a half months ago! Indeed, as one girlfren assured me when I was having fears about the birthing process, the pregnancy and birth can easily become a blur once Baby is here.

Well, anyway, back to the girls. When WY first told me about being pregnant again, I was very happy for her. But also worried. She already has twins and I had wondered how she will cope with being pregnant. For even as my memory of my pregnancy is a bit hazy, I did remember it was not the smoothest time in the world.

But the girls report otherwise. The odd craving here and there, a little bit of nausea, but hardly anymore nuisance than that. In fact, they seem to be having quite  nice time. WY has even been on a trip and was contemplating a second one outside the country.

We have also been plotting our next gathering. And the plan is a sashimi party with a sashimi chef all booked for the date.  And both ladies fully intend to have the full set and are relishing the thought of that fantastic dinner.

I was astonished! I could not stomach the smell or taste of seafood during my pregnancy. But more than anything, I was much delighted and relieved. People have told me that every pregnancy is different. And more often than not, the second pregnancy is easier than the first.  I had my doubts, but now that I hear my frens' testimony, I have high hopes indeed!

Because of course, I want a second one. Julien will be too lonely if he is an only child.  Daddy Low is a bit more cautious; he says "one at a time". He remembers all too clearly how his wife turned into an irritable, edgy monster when she became pregnant :) As well as the constant waking up for feeds at night in the newborn months. In fact, he still dreams of his child-free sleep some nights! :)

One morning, Daddy Low had woken up and told me he just dreamt of Nr.2. IN his dream, Julien was standing and, in fact, walking already. And he was about up to Daddy Low's thigh. Nr.2 was sitting on the floor and both were dressed in Buzz Lightyear costumes. How weird is that?! Daddy Low said Julien talked and talked and talked, while Nr.2 was just sitting there, looking at him. And Daddy Low shuddered and said, "Not yet, not yet!" Guess he is not ready for Nr.2...

I think that is because Julien has already showed signs of being a feisty one. Already, a few weeks before delivery, I had dreamt of an Asian boy practising writing his Chinese name all over my floor, walls and bedsheets... for one moment, I had been upset, wondering whose brat of a child this is. It didn't take me long before it dawned upon me that he could very well be mine! :)

In real life, Julien is generally calm and smiling. And these days, he likes to engage and laugh and play. But when he wants something, like his feed, he is loud. And I mean inconsolably LOUD... until you stick a bottle in his mouth. And sometimes, when he wakes up and no one is around, he starts to cry. I try not to go to him immediately, since sometimes it is just an odd cry and he goes right back to sleep.  But if he persists, you can't ignore this boy for long. Not only is he loud, his cries can break your heart. Once I pick him up, he can stop immediately and start to look around. You get it that he can cry and stop at will. And what annoys yet makes me laugh at times is he would smile at me once I carry him in my arms. But I remind myself he is too young to be devious, that it is not a smile of triumph, but simply one of delight that Mummy has come...

But feisty one or not, this boy is our little treasure and I just want him to be happy. As for Nr.2, who knows when that will be? I am not yet out of my maternity clothes and it is a bit horrendous to think of being stuck in them and not even have a chance in my pre-pregnancy clothes before Nr.2 comes, so I think it will be some time yet.  In the meantime, we are just enjoying our time with Julien, night feeds regardless... :)

Our 5th Wedding Anniversary

This day five years ago, Daddy Low and I tied the knot. To be exact, that was the date of our Chinese wedding dinner; our legal, civil marriage date is really 7 May 2004, so that spells 6 years together. And when you think about when we started dating ... wow, it's been almost eight years!  How time flies!

Daddy Low and I were from the same junior college, but we never dated then. He was one year my senior and we knew each other from being members in the Outdoor Activity Club. After we graduated, I kept in touch with my seniors and somehow, was more or less the only junior to consistently join them for their gatherings.  But Daddy Low was not always there; he was moving in other circles. I think we reconnected over one Christmas gathering, when he made his one-in-a-blue-moon kind of appearances. And the rest is history :)  

It was a bit odd at the beginning, when you know the same frens and you have to break the news. I mean, everyone is happy of course, but I think there is always that initial awkwardness, as you now grapple with how to behave in front of everyone else - the classic question is: Hmmm... hold hands or not? :) And you sort of feel like, suddenly, you are under everyone's scrutiny. But I guess the funniest thing is when Daddy Low told me this after we were together - that he has always wondered which of the senior guys I was eyeing, since I was the only junior (hence, the odd one out), who persistently turns up at the seniors' outing.... Hahaha...  Well, I wasn't, just enjoying everyone's company... but who knows? Life moves in strange ways ... and it did so in a good way for us, didn't it? :)

Looking back now, life with Daddy Low has been a great adventure. He has brought me to America, Switzerland and now, the UK. And almost every wedding anniversary, we have celebrated it in a different country - Japan, Egypt, Switzerland, the UK. And every one has been the same - memorable and filled with joy, peace and love. 


I don't buy the sexist traditional vows, where the husband is the head of the family and I have to be the obedient wife. "Submitting" myself to another's "headship" just sounds terribly wrong in the egalitarian society of our modern times. But I have to say, that between the two of us, Daddy Low is the more analytical one and the clear leader, and in times of dilemma, he is the one I turn to for advice. And so far, he has given good counsel. Daddy Low has also steered us well in terms of direction for the family. Did I give up my career for his, to be here, far away from home? No, I took a rest from work willingly, because I really needed a break. And as we had yet to have children then, it was the best time for us to take a gamble, as Daddy Low sought to stretch himself in a new profession. After all, what is the meaning of life, if not the sampling of it in its various possibilities? This is Daddy Low's philosophy and ever since he asked me to join him on Life's journey, I have stepped and walked on confidently, holding his hand. 


And now, we have a little one. And my other hand holds his, my little Julien. And as much as he is young, he is just as joyful, funny and generous as his daddy. And he trusts me. And that is something I marvel everyday and remind myself not to take lightly.


And after so many years together, our love has settled into a comfortable pace with no romantic expectations or trappings. I don't mean romanticism is bad; rather, when before, I would be all hyped up when 11 December rolls around, and thinking of candlelit dinners and what to wear and what presents to buy etc, we are now just easygoing about it. As long as we spend the day together, that is enough for me. And I know Daddy Low makes his efforts for me - he is now a very tired Santa's helper working 6 days a week, but he dragged himself out of bed and drove us to a fren's house for a gathering, because he knows I have been looking forward to it. 

So, the day was spent in great frens' company and in the evening, I booked us a nice dinner for 2. Well, actually, for 3 :)  It is our first wedding anniversary with a 3rd party, and it feels extra special because of that. Certainly, we had to take turns eating and you see this nicely dressed couple handing the baby over to each other over the table every now and then. But it was a great evening out. Julien was no fuss, just wanted to be fed and entertained now and then (in fact, a fellow diner complimented him on his wonderful manners :). And who can blame him? He is now part of the family and a most legitimate member of the onward adventure in our journey. Welcome to the Anniversary, Julien :)  


Daddy Low, thank you for being my best friend; thank you for everything. I am at a good place now - at peace and definitely in love, and with two tigers, no less. Bless! :)
 

A wonderful surprise from the restaurant

And Julien is just concentrating on the pudding...

Children Learn What They Live

We had our last baby massage session yesterday. Helen was saying that usually her participants sign up for her sessions without knowing the others and so it is a good way to make new mummy frens. We had booked her as a group, since we already knew each other and I think it is also nice, since we have grown much more comfortable with one another and deepened our friendships. In fact, we have enjoyed one another's company so much - as well as following the progress of the different babies - that Em suggested that we keep Thursday afternoons as a regular meet-up slot, which is a great idea. I think now, that not only will the mummies have one another's frenship and company, our little ones will grow up with one another as friends too. Thinking of how they would play together in future makes me smile. They do grow so fast - already, Baby Lewis is propping himself up on his tummy and turning over now. And all of them are drooling lots and chewing hands, showing signs of teething. C is already talking about starting her Emily on baby rice. Very exciting times for the mothers indeed!

And as we look forward to our babies growing day by day, Helen ended our course aptly with a beautiful reading. It's not exactly a poem, but more like a reminder to parents of the ability of children to learn by example and thus, a reminder to parents to be mindful of their actions and parenting style. I found it good food for thought and a timely sharing, now that our children are starting to be more conscious of their environment and the people around them and have a personality of their own. 

Here it is:

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

As I read it again today, it makes me look within myself and question what are the traits I have. If they are positive traits, fine and good. That makes for one less thing to worry about modelling it to Julien unconsciously. If they are less than desirable traits, I am at least now aware and have to be extra mindful about my behaviour. 

These words are so simple and straightforward, but yet, I know it will be a challenge to keep them in mind and act accordingly. And they were a good call for self reflection too. As I examine myself now, I do think of the many times when I have not been the nicest person. And unfortunately, we are easiest being ourselves, especially in our negative traits, when we are with the people we are most comfortable with - our partners.  So, yes, I admit it - when I am a meanie, Daddy Low usually bears the brunt of it. My poor hubby!

And I think to myself - if I have to start modelling good behavioural traits to Jules, I must start now. I can't think of starting only when he is able to discern right from wrong and make judgements, for I know changing behavioural traits takes a lot of time and hard work, so the earlier we start the better. 

Daddy Low, for all the times I have been a meanie, I am sorry. And when I lapse into my meanie self next time, wink at me and whisper, "Children learn what they live." I will heed that reminder :) But since we both are parents to Jules, you can't be a meanie to me too! Heheheh! I will remind you or stick a copy on our cupboard door! :)

Giving Thanks for Frenships & the Chance to be a Coffee Bean

As with any operation, a debrief is always useful. So, I decided to do my own review of the past few days' troubles with Julien. And I think I have got it, or part of it anyway. I think that one night when he woke up almost hourly for a feed was because he never had enough milk from me and yet, I was insistent on giving him breastmilk as much as I could help it.

Both Daddy Low and my sister have asked me why not just give formula. I have so far tried to give him only one formula feed a day, which is the last feed, the dream feeding feed. And as I try to answer their question, I honestly can come up with no reasonable answer.  I think all the baby literature here including those from the healthcare service promote breastfeeding so much, that I have got it into my head that I must stick to breastmilk no matter what. Especially after I read recently that constant feeding is one good way to boost milk supply and that supplementing will only tell the breasts to produce less. So, if I question myself deeply enough, I can only come up with myself as the reason for all the pain so far. That I have doggedly insisted on breastmilk and for what? ... in a strange sort of way, it's like a "badge of honour" thing... that if all my girlfrens can do it, I must be able to do as well.

Which is truly silly, when you think about it.  

No doubt, Julien has been a strong, healthy lad because of being breastfed. But having him go hungry because of my insistence on breastmilk must surely be bordering on being criminal! :)  After straightening that out, I have stopped giving myself guilt trips over this and just been giving formula whenever I sense that he is still hungry and did not have enough.  And I am happy to report that today, he seems a much more contented baby, napping at 5pm and going out like a light at 10pm... and is still asleep now. 

Thinking of my whining yesterday now, I feel sheepish. Sheepish for having thrown in the towel so soon. After all, I did know that there will be up and down days. But do I regret that entry? No. Blogging is my stress outlet and I did feel so much better after huffing it out and then  crawling into bed. I guess it is human to want to vent and just take a break.

And after that entry, I was very touched by the flood of responses from my friends. There were words of encouragement, of empathy, of wisdom, as they wrote to assure me that my experiences are normal, that I am doing a good job and to share tips that have worked for them. There were comments from friends who have not been in touch for long or not been in frequent contact. From former colleagues and a student. From old frens as well as new ones. Long emails as well as short mobile text messages. I am overwhelmed by everyone's concern and support.

Thank you to you all!  When one is overseas and missing home, these words are much valued and do soothe the soul much.  And as we go further along Life's path and think upon our relationships, we become grateful for the true and lasting friendships that we have the good fortune to have. As well as the new and budding friendships that have sincerity at heart. Even if we are frens who are often in touch or the other extreme - those that I may not have much opportunity to interact much with - I wish to say a sincere "Thank you". Thank you for feeling in your heart for another person enough to drop a kind word, for that has meant much.  


And to end today on a resolute, strong note, I have dredged up a forwarded note that has spoken to me when I first read it.  I promise to try hard to be a coffee bean and may you all find strength from the following as I did :)


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Are  you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?


A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then, she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE!!!!

A Tribute to the Best Mother in the World!

I finally caved in today. I broke down. 

It all just proved too much. After 2 days of fretful tantrums and 2 nights of little sleep from Julien, I was just exhausted physically and mentally. So, there I was trying to cook lunch - having pulled myself out of bed rather unwillingly - when Julien awoke from his nap and proceeded to bawl his head off. Daddy Low had retreated to the guestroom to catch a more restful few winks before another gruelling day, now that they are in the midst of the hectic Christmas ops. And no amount of shouting from my part could rouse him. My lunch wasn't even anything fancy, since I was trying to do the minimum today and catch up with rest - it was just curry chicken from a tin and a hash of potatoes, leeks and tomatoes in an omelette. And I managed to burn the curry from repeat reheating, because it cooled down by the time Daddy Low came down. My second dish came out dry and flat. And with me trying to wake Daddy Low up by calling the homephone using my mobile and listening to Julien's dreadful crying, I finally just felt totally overwhelmed, decimated, crushed, defeated, whatever, by the whole noble enterprise of motherhood.

And they say this - motherhood - is the best job one can ever have.... Whatever were they thinking?!

It is Day 3 of Julien's routine reversal (or should I say "subversion") and he just wants to be carried all the time. Otherwise, I must be within sight. And having placed him in the Bumbo for a while, I took him out when he started to whinge - I thought that it is probably not the best idea to have him sit so long upright, when his neck and spine are not totally able to support his frame yet.  But I can't carry him all day and I have got to get that lunch on the table for us, so that Daddy can eat and then go to work. And if I don't cook there and then, I would have no dinner.

I have taught gender issues in school throughout my teaching career, but until you experience it yourself, it really remains a cold academic topic. And my experience tells me that at the core of it is biological differences, at least in our case anyway. In all honesty, I cannot say that my man doesn't care about his son. He does, because Daddy Low is the one who, in fact, showed me how to bathe Baby, how to make a feed. He was the first one between us two to clip Julien's nails and the only one who knows how to relieve Julien's blocked nose. And he does help to bathe Julien and change the diapers on non-working days. But now that work is in a critical period, he can just simply switch to focus all his energy on work. Of course, I also know he feels he can do so, because he trusts me to  take care of Julien. But it still amazes me how the man can just switch off like that - Daddy Low is just sleeping and working these days; he doesn't even care if my cooking is substandard. I suppose it is the survival instinct kicking in. And that's why I say it is biological - because they must lack what women have: the maternal instinct, for I know that if I am a working person, I will still simultaneously be a functioning mother caring for my child. and I guess that is why employees still prefer to hire men, or else non-pregnant women... 

So, yes, it is a difficult period and that brought me to think about my mother and marvel at what a supermum she has been. By that, I don't mean she works.   My mum stopped working and became a full-time housewife, when she had us. (Which makes her a super person all the more, because being a stay-at-home-mum is driving me crazy on some days.) This means we always came home to a clean home, three hot nutritious meals (and not forgetting the lunchboxes for school, which my sister and I will take turns to deliver to each other on the longer days, since we are in different shifts), plus clean and nicely ironed clothes. Even when I was in secondary school, Mum would still wake up earlier than me at about 5.30am to make breakfast and wake me up. (in fact, she still did that when I was working and still staying at home.) And after that, it would be Dad's breakfast and the rest of the day will be chore after chore. I still remember how she once told me after lunch, that she had to start thinking about what to cook for dinner, and I thought she was nuts, that there was time enough for a rest, a cup of tea before thinking of dinner options.

As the recipient of her efforts, all I perceived were the finished products - the meals, the clean floors, toilets, laundered and ironed clothes... but all these require time. And now that I am a mother myself, I understand fully what she means about having to think about dinner next - once I am up myself, there is just no break until evening, when dinner and the cleaning is done. To cook a meal, you need to plan what you want to cook and buy the ingredients or take whatever meats you want out to defrost the night before. Then, you need to wash and cut the ingredients and do any required marinading. And after the meal, you have to clean up - the pots and pans don't clean themselves and you don't want to be caught out when you want to use them to cook the next meal. The surfaces have to wiped and disinfected. Then, all the feeds I need to give Julien. Factor in his bath, my shower, my dinner, cleaning up and the day is almost done. Hopefully, catch some telly. And if I have ironing, midnight when he is asleep has turned out to be the best time! What a sweet life Motherhood is! A big Haha with a twist of irony.

Truly, my mum is a remarkable woman to have borne all these work all these years so cheerfully and capably. And I was inspired by her example, which was why I have always said I want to stay at home for my kids when I have them, at least, for the first year anyway. I envision the same for them that my mum gave me - the hot meals, the clean and conducive home environment and clean, crisply ironed clothes and uniforms... (In fact, I used to think it odd when some of my classmates told me that they were having hawker food for dinner. And call me snobbish or ignorant, but I did shudder and promise myself that my child would never have to eat that for dinner... now, I wonder... haha...)

And Julien is only four months old now, and I am crumbling. 

I have no answer or explanation for my mum's performance except that everything she did is borne out of pure love for us and a strong maternal duty and sense of responsibility. And I definitely have to give her credit for her strength of character. But above all, I just want to tell you, Ma, that you are amazing and wonderful and I really miss you, being so far away now. They say pregnancy can bring one closer to one's mum, but I think motherhood does the same, if not more, because then you truly get an insight into the sacrifices and hard work your mother made for you. 

Thank you, Ma! This is my appreciation of all that you have given up and done for us and my tribute to you. You are a hard act to follow, but when the going gets rough for me, I shall remember your efforts and grit my teeth and get on with it.  Xxx!

Mum and I approving Daddy Low's chicken rice

The Fabulous Mama Chong!