Children Learn What They Live

We had our last baby massage session yesterday. Helen was saying that usually her participants sign up for her sessions without knowing the others and so it is a good way to make new mummy frens. We had booked her as a group, since we already knew each other and I think it is also nice, since we have grown much more comfortable with one another and deepened our friendships. In fact, we have enjoyed one another's company so much - as well as following the progress of the different babies - that Em suggested that we keep Thursday afternoons as a regular meet-up slot, which is a great idea. I think now, that not only will the mummies have one another's frenship and company, our little ones will grow up with one another as friends too. Thinking of how they would play together in future makes me smile. They do grow so fast - already, Baby Lewis is propping himself up on his tummy and turning over now. And all of them are drooling lots and chewing hands, showing signs of teething. C is already talking about starting her Emily on baby rice. Very exciting times for the mothers indeed!

And as we look forward to our babies growing day by day, Helen ended our course aptly with a beautiful reading. It's not exactly a poem, but more like a reminder to parents of the ability of children to learn by example and thus, a reminder to parents to be mindful of their actions and parenting style. I found it good food for thought and a timely sharing, now that our children are starting to be more conscious of their environment and the people around them and have a personality of their own. 

Here it is:

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

As I read it again today, it makes me look within myself and question what are the traits I have. If they are positive traits, fine and good. That makes for one less thing to worry about modelling it to Julien unconsciously. If they are less than desirable traits, I am at least now aware and have to be extra mindful about my behaviour. 

These words are so simple and straightforward, but yet, I know it will be a challenge to keep them in mind and act accordingly. And they were a good call for self reflection too. As I examine myself now, I do think of the many times when I have not been the nicest person. And unfortunately, we are easiest being ourselves, especially in our negative traits, when we are with the people we are most comfortable with - our partners.  So, yes, I admit it - when I am a meanie, Daddy Low usually bears the brunt of it. My poor hubby!

And I think to myself - if I have to start modelling good behavioural traits to Jules, I must start now. I can't think of starting only when he is able to discern right from wrong and make judgements, for I know changing behavioural traits takes a lot of time and hard work, so the earlier we start the better. 

Daddy Low, for all the times I have been a meanie, I am sorry. And when I lapse into my meanie self next time, wink at me and whisper, "Children learn what they live." I will heed that reminder :) But since we both are parents to Jules, you can't be a meanie to me too! Heheheh! I will remind you or stick a copy on our cupboard door! :)