I realised about a few days ago that our midnight emailing club has gone all quiet suddenly. And at one of our meet-ups recently, S said that she really feels for her friend, because her 4 month-old son is still keeping her up all night.
So that is how it stands. We, the August first-time mothers, have finally graduated to the next level - the mother whose baby can sleep through the night! And this explains why our nocturnal emails have petered out.
What does "sleeping through the night" mean? I had been much distressed about this a few weeks back, when my frens have been reporting how they babies sleep from 9ish at night and wake up at 7ish the next day, because Julien never does that and still doesn't. And everyone did seem to manage to do this with largely breastmilk, which I seem to have a diminishing supply of.
But a discussion recently revealed that for the last feed of the day, my frens either offers a bottle of formula or tops up the breastmilk feed with formula. And therein lies the trick to why their baby can sleep for a whole stretch!
Another fren advocates waking her baby up to feed at 10pm, since she sleeps at 8pm. I had felt ambivalent about this, thinking that it would be risky to have a grouchy baby that would not go back to sleep. But then I was reminded of what another girlfren had told me once about feeding baby without really waking him up - "dream feeding" it was called - so apparently, you just carry the baby out of his cot, stick the bottle into his mouth and his automatic reflex would be to suck. And he would feed without needing to wake up. That sounded much more palatable to me and I resolved to try that.
And I have not looked back since. Dream feeding has worked wonders for us. I started with giving Jules this last feed at 11pm, but now gradually has pushed it back a bit more every time - 12 midnight and even once 1am. And that has allowed him to last a bit longer till the next morning. He has a good appetite, never sleeping the stretch of hours like my frens' babies' 9ish-to-7ish-kind of 9-10 hours - which actually sounds very amazing to me - but Jules can last up to max about 5odd hours with the formula top-up, so that means waking up about 5-6am for his next feed. But that has still been great for us, because it does mean a chance for some uninterrupted sleep at least.
And on top of that, Jules has settled into a sleeping routine, having continued in the same pattern for a few days now. He usually is in his deep, sound sleep mode till about 11am in the morning, waking up for his feed and staying active till about 4pm, at which time he takes a nap. And this nap time offers me a chance to do at least one task, be it cooking or having a shower. After that, I try to aim his bath at between 6 to 7pm, after which he is popped back into bed. And that means time to finish cleaning up of the pots and pans and have my dinner, if I have not managed to do so before. The rest of the evening is mine for a bit before his feed at 9ish/10pm and another interval of sleep and then his bigger "dream feeding" formula feed around midnight.
In the past, I believed that I should take care of Baby's needs first and so would always prioritise Jules's bath and feed before taking my shower or having dinner. I took the chance one day during his late afternoon nap to reverse the order and felt so much more recharged and refreshed to carry on with caring for Jules, so instead of feeling tired but still pulling out a grin to talk and sing to him during bathtime, we can now both enjoy his bathtime routine. And I have found also that for him to enjoy his bathtime, it is good to feed him first, even if it is just partial feeding and completing the feed after his bath. As long as he is not hungry, he would not fret or cry during his bath, as he did a few times earlier when we fell into this new routine.
This routine has worked well for more than a week now and I am hopeful it is here to stay for a while. It feels great to finally have a sort of structure and be able to plan my time accordingly. But best of all, it is a great improvement from the chaotic, tiring earlier days and just simply wonderful to feel that life is back to some semblance of normalcy. No more frantic rushing about of chores, the stress compounded by not knowing when Baby will "strike" - when he will wake up or cry. By now, I have also more or less learnt to decipher his cries - Does he need a feed? Or sleep? Or is he cold/hot? A dirty nappy? Or simply want a cuddle? It makes me think now that oft repeated assurance in all the baby healthcare pamphlets are possibly true - that you will learn to "read" your baby, that he will fall into a pattern and that things can and will improve! They say that babies will constantly change their patterns... till that time comes again, I am going to enjoy this stretch of "structured" days :)
Today, after his bath, I suddenly felt so tired that I just laid in bed beside him and decided to leave all the clearing up of the bath things and the dishes downstairs for a while. I ended up falling asleep and woke up about 2 hours later. That nap was amazing, cos now I feel so rested. The strange thing was that I did not even think that I was tired or knew that I needed a rest. But what this tells me now is that the chores CAN wait a bit - which I have said before, but find so hard to keep in practice - and frankly, this is a luxury that only a one-child mother can have. Once we have two, this will not be as easily possible.
I think the lesson for the day is that I really need to relax and not worry so much, for all new mothers will learn and get better at their new role. And I am thankful that I have a chance at motherhood, which has allowed me to grow in a way that I have never expected. At the end of the day, some lessons can really only be taught by Life.
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