Goodbye, Breastfeeding!

When I started on some new medicine a few weeks ago, I decided to stop breastfeeding for a while, as advised by the pamphlet in the pack even though my doctor had said it was alright. All along, breastfeeding has been something that so absorbed my attention, that I thought I would be glad to be done with it finally.  Strangely, I felt a huge sense of sadness and regret at the thought of stopping it altogether, so I decided that I would express and throw it away until I was done with the medicine. Boy, it was a lot of hard work! And when I finally went back to breastfeeding, there was a huge sense of relief.

But the interesting thing for me was that I realised that I was more emotionally attached to the whole issue of breastfeeding than I thought.  A fren had said that breastfeeding for her was an important bonding time for her and her baby and she breastfed her for 11 months. At that time, I had wondered if I would ever go on for that long...

Now, I know the answer - No way! For the simple reason that now that Julien has sprouted teeth, breastfeeding can be a painful affair. As they say - once bitten, twice shy. And I can testify that the bite can be very painful, especially when babies do not know how to control their strength or when they are getting more and more drowsy and falling asleep and suddenly take on a nibble without realising!

So, this week, officially, I have stopped. And amazingly, the body seems to know and have followed accordingly. Julien has no trouble going to bottlefeeds and now, it is easier to monitor just how much milk he takes.

Do I miss out on any bonding? I hardly think so. When I am feeding Julien on the feeding pillow and he falls asleep, I am either creaming him or filing his nails. And at those moments, the image of the mummy chimpanzee grooming the baby chimpanzee comes to mind. That is as close contact as breastfeeding is, I think.  Then, there are still the nappy changing sessions and bathtime, meal times when I am feeding him solids as well as bedtime. So, yes, I think Julien and I still spend the bulk of each day with each other, on the whole business of caring for him.

When I asked a girlfren recently how she felt now that she has stopped breastfeeding, her reply was: "Am I a bad mother if I say I feel a sense of relief?"  Sometimes, I just feel that the whole issue of breastfeeding has been overhyped. There is no right or wrong to it; it is a personal choice and one can be happy with whatever choice one makes for oneself and the baby.

For me, breastfeeding was important, because I do see the benefits of breastmilk. It was also an important component of the bonding process and as much as it has given me headaches, it has also given many happy moments and memories. And I think as long as one stops breastfeeding out of choice, one will be at peace with oneself. For now, this chapter for us is closed and I can honestly say I am happy that I have breastfed my baby, and am happy to now go on the next step of bottlefeeding and solids.