I suppose one can rightly say that today is the beginning of me and J having our activity-filled life again, the real test, so to speak. After all, yesterday, we had no agenda and were still sort of resting. Our 2 main items today were the Song and Rhymetime at the library at 10am and in the afternoon, J's first settling-in session at the nursery he's registered with.
Waking up in time for the library was not the worry - we've been waking up early everyday since returning from Singapore. Curiously, it was not as painful as I thought it might be, given how difficult it was when Mum was around. (I think that was one of the things she disapproved when she stayed with us and observed my daily habits; her generation seems to think that sleeping-in late is a sin, especially when one becomes a wife and mother...) I suppose it must be a mind thing, that when one has someone around to help, one feels assured enough about Baby's care and so becomes more self-indulgent :)
So, we did wake up in time, but it was the getting ready and getting there in time that was the issue. J was co-operative, so there was nothing to fault him on there, but getting both of us breakfasted and ready, getting his bag ready, getting the buggy into the car etc took me some time. And if I had been too busy to be homesick or miss Mum before, I felt her absence acute at that moment. Her extra pair of hands and eyes when she was here was a great help every time we were preparing to leave the house and get somewhere in time.
When I spoke with a European girlfren recently, she had expressed her amazement at my mum coming to stay and help us in UK for so long. I think this must be a cultural difference, since it is very common for Asian mums to come and stay for months to help their overseas daughters (generally children, but especially daughters) once they have delivered and even as their grandchildren grow, while it seems, for our Western counterparts, the strong belief of independence for both parties does mean a shorter stay for mums when they come to help their overseas children. But whatever the case, all overseas daughters will agree on this - it is only when one is overseas that the lack of family help is sorely felt!
The other thing that strikes me is how Skype is so indispensable for overseas daughters like me. This came home twice recently when 2 different frens on separate occasions said they do not have Skype when I asked in the hope of connecting through it. My immediate reaction was incredulity; how can anyone not have Skype, not use Skype? It is such a basic thing to have... then, of course, I realise how presumptious I was and how different our contexts and living realities are. I have been a Singaporean-at-large for near to 2 years now and Skype has been nothing short of a lifeline to me. And I suppose that is why I come back to my newfound understanding of my new identity - my belonging to a different "breed" of people and that is, the overseas-daughters-recently-turned-mummies.
I suppose this is my focus today, 'cos interestingly enough, this came up again when I brought J to the nursery. I was being interviewed about J's daily habits and other information and at some point, the conversation turned to when we came to stay in UK... after which, the carer just exclaimed how amazed she is by my bravery to come to a whole new country in the midst of my pregnancy and deliver here etc. It is a strange perspective for me, 'cos for me, it was a matter of no choice. If I had stayed in Singapore, I would have to deliver J without Daddy Low and that was just a no go for us. I could not imagine depriving Daddy Low of that magic moment as well as all the months leading up to the birth. I remembered how we had enjoyed seeing my little bump grow bigger and bigger and how thrilled we were to feel his first kick. How could I let Daddy Low miss out on all these? And not to mention how I had felt a whole new kind of love and respect for Daddy Low as he took such tender care of me in those difficult months and as he grew into his daddy role. He attended antenatal class with me, learning all about the birth process as well as how to bathe and care for Baby when he arrives. As much as it was hard and perhaps unimaginable, it was a road that we are meant to take together, since we are travelling mates in Life's journey. And through this part of the journey, we grew together, to go past our roles as husband and wife, to become parents working hand-in-hand to care for our baby.
Then, others ask: How do I manage alone? In Singapore, family help is readily available and it is easy and in fact, common to get a maid once the children arrive. My frens think it is amazing that I take care of the baby as well as cover the household chores. And I think, " Yah, how nice it would be to be in Singapore!" but understand really I am not doing anything out of this world. Having stayed in Switzerland and UK now, I know it is do-able even if not easy and we are just really having it good in Singapore. Here, it is a common sight to see a mum push a trolley in the supermarket with a baby in the baby seat, a toddler sitting inside the trolley and the eldest child walking beside the trolley... So, honestly, I dun feel like I am doing any special feat, and in fact sometimes think I probably am having a much easier time than those here with more than one child.
And I am grateful that I had a chance to be overseas to learn these lessons, to develop this part of me, to know myself better and grow stronger. More than anything, I am glad that I have the opportunity to take a few gap years off to care for my baby.
At the nursery, we saw a boy on his second day and the poor tike was crying for his mummy. I felt a sudden twinge of guilt at what confusion and panic I might be setting Julien up for... And as much as I had looked forward to having some time off him, I started to regret a bit, had a sudden rush of love and just want to squeeze my boy hard and have him with me, in my sight the whole day... but steeled myself finally that some time at a nursery would benefit him as well as me. At the end of the day, J did well at the nursery today. He started to wander further and further from him and warmed up to the carer. It was more Mummy who started to feel like she couldn't let her baby go...
So, the day turned out to be a good one, especially when you throw in a Vietnamese lunch at a newfound Vietnamese restaurant. But doing back-to-back activities in a day is just too much for me, not forgetting that J is in a phase now where he wants me to be within his sight at all times and play with him every 20 minutes. When Mum was here, I was well rested and had difficulty sleeping at night; now, when I have to do everything myself, I am dog tired by the end of the day. One thing for sure - I am sleeping like a log tonight! :)
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