Daddy Low, Me & My Blog

I've been lazy again.

Daddy Low asked me today why there has been no new blog entry for a few days now. 2 days of headache and no inspiration, that's why. I have been so preoccupied trying to boost my milk supply that I have decided to nap when Julien does and I did it the first time yesterday and I have to say I am impressed by the result - I did have more milk today. And then started feeling guilty as I wondered if I have been too preoccupied with blog writing and not put Jules's needs first, since I always tend to blog at night when he is asleep, so depriving myself of this precious milk-generating sleep time!

Anyway, back to Daddy Low. I suppose I have to say he is my No.1 fan, and rightly so :) He always bugs me when I have no entry.

And today, I asked him why. His reply - it helps him to know what is going through my mind. 

"That's not fair," I said, "You don't tell me what you think all the time! " But he replied that his mind is a blank slate most of the time; his precious memory space is used up for storing practical information - the things to do with the practical business of day-to-day living... which I suppose implies that my mind is buzzing with all the things that are not so practical, the musings of life... hahaha...

Well, I am not upset or offended. In fact, by now, I suppose my male readers will be going on in their mind like, "That's just so like a woman", which brings back memories of this Youtube video I watched of a stand-up comic act about the difference between a man and a woman's brains - Inside the man's is Nothing. And this is how he wants it - a state of nothing to just de-stress and chill. Inside the woman's is full of somethings - thoughts, activities flying around. And this is not an empty or nothing space, 'cos the woman would want to bring plants in, put up some paintings, curtains etc... was a good laugh, this video!

It is a good analogy of me and Daddy Low, I suppose. But this entry is not about the gender debate. Rather, it is about him, me and my blog :) 

I suppose I should be flattered that he wants to read it. In fact, I know it is part of his routine when he comes home from work - he checks for a new entry and reads it while having his snack. So, I do feel bad on the days when I have nothing.

And I do like it that he has this routine. Even before I asked him the reason, I have always felt that it is a channel through which we communicate. There may not always be a reply from him, but I have always been the one between us to rattle away anyway, as I like to tell him about my day. And I know he likes to listen, even if he sometimes teases me that I just yak on and on and on... My greatest vindication came when I returned from my first overseas trip without him and he told me he missed my rattling for that week I was gone!  Heheh! :)  So, really, the blog is perfect for both of us. And so even if I am asleep when he comes back, there is me yakking on to him through the blog. I love the thought that, this little blog being part of his routine, connects us somehow.

But more importantly, I like the blog because I can fill in the gaps of Julien's growth and development for Daddy Low. I have always wanted to stay at home to care for my child for at least the first year, when I have one, so that I won't miss out on his "firsts" - first step, first word etc. And this year, being able to do that, is really a dream come true for me, no matter how much I struggle or whine about it sometimes. But this time together with Baby is also a luxury. A luxury that I am able to enjoy because Daddy Low is working hard to support us on his income alone. And I am grateful. (Julien now will actually search for my face first when there is a roomful of other faces.)  But Daddy Low is missing out on these moments with Jules and I know he worries that Jules doesn't recognise him or feel as close to him. I think it's early days yet, but certainly his worry is a valid one. So, Daddy Low gets Jules a lot more to himself during the weekend - he bathes and changes diapers. And when we are heading out, Daddy Low prepares the hot water and the baby bag. And he likes to be the one to carry Julien in the baby carrier or be the one to push the baby pram. And I like to take photos of them together, their man-to-man time :)  Sometimes, it makes me feel like maybe I am a bad mother and, perhaps, people think so too, seeing how laidback I am when we are out. But I tell myself that they don't know better or in fact, they are actually envious that our baby's father is so hands-on. Whatever, as long as we are happy.

So, with my blog, I also intend for it to be a link for Daddy Low to Julien - to update Daddy Low on what Jules has been up to in the day. And to know that no matter the topic, Jules and I are thinking of Daddy Low too!  Xxx

Daddy Low getting Jules ready in the car-seat