I was not always a happy person. In fact, I did not always believe in love. And it did not help that my sister always seemed to be popular with the boys, as we were growing up. After a failed relationship of 5 years and a 4 year drought after that, I was convinced that I would be me, me and only me for the rest of my life.
But the funny thing is... I have actually forgotten about that long sad period, because Henry came into my life and brought me so much fun, laughter, happiness and of course, love. He had effectively largely erased this unhappy part from my memory. So, it was with great surprise that today, I was reminded of this exorcised baggage...
But this entry is not going to be a grand expose about the great love story of Mummy and Daddy Low... (oh no, Baby, you dun get to know about this yet!)
My urge to write about this came I watched... yes, you guessed it... today's episode of "New Dating in The Dark"! Man, I love this show :)
So, let me first start off by saying I found today's episode absolutely enjoyable and believe it or not, meaningful and "educational". In fact, I think if this show had been around in those sad years, I might have learnt a thing or two about love and the vibes one sends with one's behaviour, personality etc that might make or break a potential relationship!
I mentioned before that participants generally sign up, because they want a shot at love, without being judged by their looks or perceptions/associations with their work. Let's meet the participants:
The Girls
- Natalie - Half Filipino, half Ghanaian, Natalie is a fashion retail manager, who spots a tattoo of a heart with a hole and is looking for a serious relationship and so hopefully patch that hole in the heart. She says men find her attractive, but she is not in a relationship, because she reckons they find her intimidating.
- Vicki - A glamour model, she is very aware that men who try to know her are always after one thing - sex, because of her job and her physical appearance. She is hoping the show will give her a chance to meet someone who can see beyond her looks.
- Maria - A real estate agent, who is looking for a serious relationship. She has put in the hard work, having gone for 30 dates over the past 6 months. She seeks a man, who will like her and like her family.
The Guys
- Andrew - One of the dancing instructors from Pineapple Dance Studios, which is also now a reality show; thus he is also a TV celebrity. He hopes the show will help him to find love, without the potential dates having preconceptions of him because of his fame due to reality TV.
- Paul - A sales executive, Paul describes himself as a one-woman man and is looking for a serious relationship. Seriously good looking, he is more of a quiet person and listens first before speaking (Yes, he is a very likable man, the kind a girl will be happy to bring home to meet the parents! Haha).
- Justin - A business development manager, Justin has tended to go for looks in the past. He himself admitted that his favourite body parts are lips, boobs and big butts, but now reckons that this is his downfall, since looks go after a while and one does look for something more. Thus, he is now determined not to zero in on looks, but seeks substance instead.
Paul, Natalie and Maria
After the first group date, some of the participants already have an idea of who they would like to know and by the end of the first one-to-one date in the dark, it was clear that both Maria and Natalie like Paul, but Paul felt a strong chemistry with Natalie and not with Maria. And happily for him, Natalie felt the same sentiments.
Justin and Vicki
Justin had a good impression of Vicki from the group date in the dark, although he was wary that she is a glamour model. Yet, clearly because of her profession when they went through the introductions, he was interested and was the first to remark that she must look good and asked what she models for. He thought she has more depth than the usual model and was open to meeting her. However, he was put off in the first solo date when she asked him what kind of car he is driving (a Golf GTI by the way... my kind of car :). Obviously, he is sticking to his guns of staying far far away from any suggestion of superficiality indeed!
Andrew
Andrew has a loud, confident personality that is so often the case with arty, creative people. And unfortunately, this came across as cockiness and arrogance to the ladies. It did not help that he told one girl that he can get sex easily if he really wanted to, and throughout the whole show, did not show any particular liking for any one girl, and snogged (and I mean, the deep deep passionate type of kiss!) the different girls (Vicki and Natalie) he saw for solo dates!
In the end, the surprise couple that came together was Justin and Vicki, who had chosen each other for a face-to-face meeting. Paul agonised over meeting Natalie or Maria, who had both chosen to meet him. No girl invited Andrew and he also decided not to meet anyone and left the show.
So what happened?
Today's episode proved without a doubt that looks do matter. Our obvious golden couple from the start had been Paul and Natalie. Both of them had professed in interviews and to their fellow housemates that they had felt a strong chemistry with each other (even though the compatability test had matched Paul with Maria). In both dates, they had enjoyed each other's company tremendously and had been honest with each other in communicating their feelings (Andrew had insisted on a kiss in their solo date; despite Natalie's reservations; she did not enjoy it and had been paranoid after that about how Paul would think of her. Paul had been gutted when he found out and asked Natalie about it in their next date). By all accounts, it would seem that these two would be meeting in the drawing room at the end of a show and give a go at the relationship. But once Paul saw Natalie in the light review, he said she was not his type, that she wasn't how he had imagined her and the double whammy was when he saw Maria, and said that she is blonde and he has a thing for blondes! In the end, he was terribly conflicted, since he could only choose to meet one...
Paul chose to walk away, because he wanted to do, in his own words, "the right thing for himself". I had thought he might have gone to meet Maria, for after all, he is going to be miserable if he ends up with Natalie and always wishes that she is blonde when he looks at her! (Just like how I had told a fren that you can't live long in a house with deco you hate, even if you like the space, when she was looking for a rental house.) But he did not, and I was proud of him, for knowing what he wants and accepting his new understanding of himself - that looks are important for him! Natalie was really angry that he walked away, because she knew they had shared a connection and yet, he had walked away after seeing both her and Maria in the light. Maria was happy that she took the gamble but was surprised that he had walked away from Natalie, because she too felt their connection; she then concluded that Paul was shallow.
This difference in perspective was interesting for me, since Paul's decision had been a genuine one of self-discovery and respecting what he wants. Imagine how many of life's misunderstandings could have been avoided if only we knew how people really thought! And in that respect, I learnt that we can so often be miserable because we have erroneously explained another person's thinking/actions. The power of different perspectives is clearly underrated in real life, because Man tends to be self-absorbed and looks only from his own angle.
And in the same vein, though I had disliked Andrew before, I liked him by the end of the show. He saw Natalie in the light, and though he was far off the mark in his expectation of her looks, he did think she was an attractive girl. Yet, he left in the end without meeting anyone, because he does want to have children and he knows "scientifically" (in his words), people do want to be with someone who looks like themselves (by that, I believe, he means of the same kind) and so Natalie would not fit the bill, because she is not white. I like him for his honesty and also for being happy and unapologetic about being himself. He was unfazed that he had no invitations for a face-to-face meeting, adding cheerfully, that he will meet someone once the net is cast wider. There just wasn't someone suitable for him in this show, that's all.
The twist is of course, the pairing of Justin and Vicki. And this couple proves to me that no matter what, one can't run away from one's true preferences. Justin had wanted to avoid just going for looks, but was immediately attracted to Vicki in the first group date. He turned away from the second date because of her question about his car, but changed his mind when she initiated the second date. Why? Because they had physical contact! Vicki gave him a hand massage and he said she has the softest hands ever and he really enjoyed the massage. She was not coy or flirtatious, but said simply that she could massage him the whole time and just chat with him forever. Then, they shared a kiss and he said she had the softest lips... like rose petals (a bit tacky, but I also thought rather poetic and sweet!)
Justin's impression of Vicki had clearly changed, but I would not think it fair to just put it down to this being a physical thing. In their interaction, they did have fun - they laughed, had a good clean time and even though, they kissed, it was more like an exploration of each other's personality through touch - Vicki said he had a very gentle kiss and must be a nice, gentle person. Superficial and simplistic this judgement may sound, I think it is her true belief! And nothing takes away from the sweetness of the moment when they finally meet in the drawing room. He had been apprehensive that she was not there and he would be disappointed, while she had been anxiously waiting in the room with the same worry. And when they both meet, you can sense the relief and happiness. As a viewer, I rejoiced with them and there is the feeling of a brand new journey and possibilities opening up ahead of these two. And it feels right, because you know that both had met someone who had fulfilled their criteria and, in fact, gone on beyond to the best of both worlds - to have both substance and looks.
Of course, at the end of the day, this is a reality show and one can only hope that the relationship will continue on strong once the euphoria and novelty of the show has worn off. Their one-week-later interview showed them to be still happy with each other and Justin was saying that there might be wedding bells... You will be happy too, watching such an ending!
I love this show, especially this episode, because the participants dared to work towards their goal. They dared to cast their net wider, to the extent of putting themselves under public scrutiny on national TV in their quest of love. I am tired of singles who profess to be single because they choose to be so, when you can hear the desperate defiance in their tone, almost as if having to convince themselves. (I am not discounting that there are really singles out there who are truly happy to be so). I hate society's stigma of singles, treating them as if they are rejects. And I detest the expectation that singles should be demure about their state and just wait passively for the right man/woman to come along, because an active search would otherwise make them look desperate!
I say everyone has a right to find love and happiness. And singles should drop the mantle of expected modesty, but instead take the initiative to help themselves. There will be no success unless one makes an effort, and this general rule applies to all things in life, including love. The sad thing is society tends to price the needs of married couples, especially those with children, above singles. In my work life, I have been asked to cover the work of colleagues on maternity leave and had protested when expected to continue to do so even after they had resumed work. The new reason? - that new mothers need more time for their new maternal responsibilities. I had retorted then that singles have an even greater need of time - how else can they find their soulmate and have a chance at even possibly reaching this amazing maternal/paternal role?!
If you are a single, let nobody stop you from achieving happiness and love for yourself. You deserve it, so go for it! Do I believe in love? You can bet your last dollar I sure do!
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