A Dose of Sensitivity, please.

"What is it about heavily pregnant women? ... In the modern world, we are unapologetic about the space we occupy, and rightly so... It's not as if we are invisible in the workplace or in the public.  Yet, we are still strangely, somehow an oddity. The more pregnant you get, the more people stare and pass comment, as if in the presence of a giant, lumbering freak. They often look frightened or intimidated.  Either that, or they veer towards the other end of the spectrum, sweetly and politely insisting that, "You're not that big, " "You look very compact," or "That's a neat bump you've got there." "

This is an excerpt of a newspaper article I read today, entitled "Why People are Rude to Pregnant Women".

It brought to mind my own similar feelings during our weekend jaunt to London. As Henry, Yen and I walked through the park, I had, more than once, caught other people staring at me.  Specifically, they were staring at my bump and then walking away without even looking at me in the eye.  Or if they did, they looked furtively away when our eyes met. I had remarked then that people must think I am so big that I should not be out running about.  Henry and Yen thought that I was being sensitive and that people could simply be envious of my coming bundle of joy or are happy for me. 

Certainly, this could be an issue of perspective, but I did not think so and was not convinced. Especially not when people do not acknowledge your happiness with a smile, but simply look away when you look at them.

Perhaps, because I am Asian and so an outsider to this society, I have been spared most other variations of this attitude. My friends from my antenatal classes have had animated discussions as they exchanged stories of how they feel "objectified".  One had been upset that people, whether colleagues, acquaintances or mere strangers, had constantly made comments about how big she was in her last few weeks of pregnancy.  Some had wondered out loud how she would be able to have the baby out if it is so big.  Such comments did not help her, especially when she went overdue. While my bump was not extraordinarily big, I did have the odd comment or two that it was, and I have to say, that did put me in a bit of a state, as I wondered if everything was alright and started fretting about the pain I would have to go through if this is a big baby.  Very unnecessary stress for a pregnant lady indeed, considering that our hormones are on overdrive and we are even more sensitive than usual.

Another strange and unwelcome phenomenon is that some people seem to be drawn to touch your bump.  And this could be people one doesn't even know well, such as colleagues from another department that one only knows by face.  My friend was totally caught unawares, because the person did not even ask, but simply came up, touched her bump and said, "Oh, how big you have grown!"  After she got over the shock, my friend found it rude and felt her personal space violated.

Perhaps, this is what non-pregnant people consider as a positive greeting for a pregnant woman, since the gain must reflect a healthy baby and the touch would suggest an intimate acknowledgement of the little bud inside. But please say hello to us first; we are human too, even if right now we are the host vessel for the little life inside. It does not help if after this cursory greeting, the person walks off to get on with her work.  It would be nice if you ask how we are instead of just focusing on Mini Me, thank you.

Personally, I hate the question, "How did you grow so big?!"  As if a pregnant woman doesn't feel sorry enough about her weight gain and ballooning figure! I did not need the additional guilt of going through the internal turmoil of wondering if I had overeaten during these crazy, hungry days (Yes, I am always ravenous!).

I appreciate when people make way for me in a crowded aisle or give up their seats on public transport.  But may I suggest that you accompany your nice act with a smile? Most get up hurriedly, move around me gingerly and they sometimes look petrified.  No, I am not a bubble/balloon; I won't pop or break easily.  Pregnancy is part of life and we all came out from  a distended tummy once, so don't look at us like we are the Unknown or some inexplicable mystery.

Smile, it will put both you and me at ease.




An Additional Note:
And believe it or not, there are the rude-beyond-belief-anti-pregnant-women people.  I think this is such a rare breed that what I am about to relate will make you gasp. This happened to a friend's pregnant colleague recently. Commuting to work in the London tube one day, she was standing in front of a lady in a seat.  The sight of her heavily pregnant bump probably made the passenger uncomfortable, but unwilling to give up her seat, the latter felt it necessary to offer her explanation by way of a shockingly rude advice, "If you choose to take the tube when you are pregnant, you have only yourself to blame."  At this point, several other passengers who have overheard this remark jumped up promptly and offered our pregnant fren a seat! While this did lead to a seat, the uncalled-for, hurtful remark certainly ruined the poor girl's day.  If London's traffic is not so infamously start-stop and cabs are not so expensive, which preggie would not choose to travel in comfort?  May this passenger be haunted forever by her shameful conduct and have a taste of her own medicine one day!