Today is The Day - 19 Aug 2010 - Baby's due date.
And as the prospects of an early arrival start to dim and our spirits start to dampen, Henry came up with a strange but funny idea to cheer us up and cheer Baby on - He decided to sing Baby the "Happy Birthday" song. From morning till before he left for work, Daddy Low put his face near my bump and sang to Baby. He cajoled Baby, telling him that it is time to come out, that he can better hear the song directly without the interfering sounds of Mummy's gastric juices. He rubbed little bump gently and Baby responded with little tsunami rolls. I think if he thought Baby could see him, he would be making funny faces too.
And all this while, I watched Henry in amusement and a growing warmth.
I have heard testimonies from friends of how their husbands showed a hitherto unknown softer, gentler side as they well up in paternal love when they have children. That this is as much part of the miracle of birth. That you fall in love all over again with your partner, as you both evolve in your roles in the newly enlarged family unit. But to see it for oneself is truly amazing.
At the beginning, Henry has always indicated that he is happy not to have children. And I did not mind so much at the beginning, because I was simply not ready yet. We enjoyed the freedom and lifestyle of a DINK (Dual Income No Kids) family, spending our money on whatever we want and travelling whenever we like. There was no other party to worry about, no other consideration to include in our plans or decisions.
I think the turning point came when Henry embarked on his MBA in Switzerland. At that time, he was only thinking about a career switch to expose himself to more possibilities in life, to stretch himself and test his potential in the private sector. I was just keen to have a break from a gruelling, exhausting work schedule. Babies were not exactly part of the concrete plan.
But all that slowly changed, when we came into regular contact with classmates who came with family in tow. It doesn't matter how many kids they have, but it is always the same - the kids come alive when they are with their daddies, and the men light up and transform from sharp MBA students to silly, funny family men when they meet their babies. And you see the same story with new daddies, whose babies only enter their lives last year in the midst of their studies. They go all soft and gaga once this new life has entered their lives and can't wait to go home as soon as class is over (Dennis and Alejandro, this is you!). The transformation is almost immediate, but yet not abrupt. It is almost as if this new softer paternal side has always been inside, but only the new little life has the ability to tease it out, to help it blossom (that's definitely you, Martin and Graham!).
And without a doubt, you see what a strong bonding gel the babies become in the fabric of family life. Mummy wakes up early with the children and they have breakfast with Daddy before he rushes off to school (and school starts at 8.00am!). And at break time (usually 4pm), the school foyer is packed with mummies and children, waiting excitedly to meet the daddies (Angie, Nikos and Stelios, I am thinking of your family!). I was not there to witness this everyday, since as a no-kid wife, I am happily gallivanting outside with other no-kid wives or just relaxing at home. But it is undoubtedly a heartwarming scene, the few times I have witnessed it. And to see Henry enjoying the interaction with the kids is doubly warming.
Not only do men become marshmallow-like softies when they put on their "Daddy" hats, they also take on a different persona when they meet other daddies - they become Daddy-frens instead of MBA classmates. I remember clearly dear Walid, who would help to babysit David for Angela and Andreas, as well as helping to carry Alexander while daddy Johan went to the group room to pick up something. And these daddy friends form strong friendships, becoming a sort of support network for one another. In a cute sort of way, they have formed an exclusive club that non-parents have neither an understanding of nor any access to.
Then, there were the daddies who left their families behind in their countries and it is obvious how they miss their wives and children, even if they don't say much about it. Some even had wives who popped back home when they were away in Switzerland and you know it was a difficult decision for them not to be there for their wives and babies on that special day and thereafter. It is always heartwarming when you hear of how they enjoyed being with their family after they have returned from a visit home during the summer break.
But all that slowly changed, when we came into regular contact with classmates who came with family in tow. It doesn't matter how many kids they have, but it is always the same - the kids come alive when they are with their daddies, and the men light up and transform from sharp MBA students to silly, funny family men when they meet their babies. And you see the same story with new daddies, whose babies only enter their lives last year in the midst of their studies. They go all soft and gaga once this new life has entered their lives and can't wait to go home as soon as class is over (Dennis and Alejandro, this is you!). The transformation is almost immediate, but yet not abrupt. It is almost as if this new softer paternal side has always been inside, but only the new little life has the ability to tease it out, to help it blossom (that's definitely you, Martin and Graham!).
And without a doubt, you see what a strong bonding gel the babies become in the fabric of family life. Mummy wakes up early with the children and they have breakfast with Daddy before he rushes off to school (and school starts at 8.00am!). And at break time (usually 4pm), the school foyer is packed with mummies and children, waiting excitedly to meet the daddies (Angie, Nikos and Stelios, I am thinking of your family!). I was not there to witness this everyday, since as a no-kid wife, I am happily gallivanting outside with other no-kid wives or just relaxing at home. But it is undoubtedly a heartwarming scene, the few times I have witnessed it. And to see Henry enjoying the interaction with the kids is doubly warming.
Not only do men become marshmallow-like softies when they put on their "Daddy" hats, they also take on a different persona when they meet other daddies - they become Daddy-frens instead of MBA classmates. I remember clearly dear Walid, who would help to babysit David for Angela and Andreas, as well as helping to carry Alexander while daddy Johan went to the group room to pick up something. And these daddy friends form strong friendships, becoming a sort of support network for one another. In a cute sort of way, they have formed an exclusive club that non-parents have neither an understanding of nor any access to.
Then, there were the daddies who left their families behind in their countries and it is obvious how they miss their wives and children, even if they don't say much about it. Some even had wives who popped back home when they were away in Switzerland and you know it was a difficult decision for them not to be there for their wives and babies on that special day and thereafter. It is always heartwarming when you hear of how they enjoyed being with their family after they have returned from a visit home during the summer break.
Recently, I read this in a newspaper article - "Men who become fathers experience a surge in parenting hormones very similar to that experienced by women, researchers have found. The neurochemicals seem to alter men's brains in ways that help them form caring, long-term relationships with their new child... Such findings offer a scientific basis for what many men have experienced at first hand - a sudden upheaval in emotions and attitudes following the arrival of a child." - The Sunday Times, 15 Aug 2010.
I remember my girlfren Cheralyn sharing with me her birth experience and how her husband just broke down when the baby emerged. Truly, the birth of a new life is a miracle indeed. And when you see a reciprocal affection from the baby, you know that is when the magic has struck. I think Henry was pleasantly surprised when two frens' boys, Kenshin and Shawn (who do tend to only want their mummies) allowed him to carry them and stayed in his arms without protests for quite a while too.
And as the birth of our own baby approaches, I am curious to see Henry's reaction at the birth and in his fatherhood role. I think I am not far off to say he will make a wonderful and adoring daddy. Already, nothing seems too expensive for Daddy Low to splurge on Baby...
I remember my girlfren Cheralyn sharing with me her birth experience and how her husband just broke down when the baby emerged. Truly, the birth of a new life is a miracle indeed. And when you see a reciprocal affection from the baby, you know that is when the magic has struck. I think Henry was pleasantly surprised when two frens' boys, Kenshin and Shawn (who do tend to only want their mummies) allowed him to carry them and stayed in his arms without protests for quite a while too.
And as the birth of our own baby approaches, I am curious to see Henry's reaction at the birth and in his fatherhood role. I think I am not far off to say he will make a wonderful and adoring daddy. Already, nothing seems too expensive for Daddy Low to splurge on Baby...
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