It has been a bittersweet kind of weekend; bittersweet because I was looking forward to it as well as dreading it. The coming Thursday will mark Julien's one month birthday, so we've decided to hold the man yue (full month) celebration the weekend preceding it. And we decided to do so, because it is also a sort of farewell party for my parents, who have been with us for about six weeks; thus, my reason for dreading the weekend.
The Chinese tradition of man yue is a tricky one to explain to the non-Chinese mind. Shin asked us during the party and the best I could say was that it is a kind of milestone. Some have likened it to a baby shower, but I would say this is hardly so. The baby shower celebrates the pending birth of a baby and in the past, was held only for the birth of the firstborn and attended only by women for the sharing of wisdom and tips about motherhood to the mother-to-be. The word "shower" is referring to literally how the mother-to-be would be showered by gifts. For the Chinese, it would be taboo to celebrate the birth before the baby is delivered safely and the traditional gift would be a red packet (ang pow) containing money or gold jewellery (usually gold chains with pendants of the baby's Zodiac sign or anklets).
The Chinese term "man yue", translated literally would mean full month or the completion of one month. One month of what? If you remember my earlier post about confinement, that is what we are referring to.
The one month after birth is considered a crucial time for both mother and child. As I mentioned in my earlier post, the mother's body is believed to be weakened by the traumatic experience of childbirth and blood loss, so she needs to regain her strength and take care to protect herself from the elements, as she is more susceptible to various ailments. In the same vein, the baby is especially vulnerable in this one month, so he, together with the mother, should stay at home during this time. He gets his nutrition from the mother, so the latter has to eat well, following the confinement food menu.
And when the one month is completed, there is a big celebration, with much food including special man yue food to mark the happy occasion as well as to formally introduce the baby to family and friends. The two key food items would be red eggs and a red pastry called ang ku kueh, which is a kind of pastry filled with peanut paste. Red is the traditional colour of choice, as this is an auspicious colour to the Chinese. At the end of the party, the red eggs are distributed to the guests to bring home. At the man yue party, the baby's head is usually shaved, since it is believed that he will then have a crowning head of hair after the newborn hair is removed. In the past, parents would make Chinese paintbrushes out of the baby hair and present it to Baby as a present of his birth when he is older. Recently, there is a revival of this tradition, but it has become ridiculously expensive, having become a new kind of fancy thing to do among the younger, wealthier parents.
I think the confinement and man yue traditions reflect the importance of the family unit in the Chinese culture. The women relations, usually the mother or mother-in-law, will come to care for the new mother and take over all the chores. In this one month, this is what my parents did. It is not an exaggeration to say that I owe my regained strength and health and baby's growth to my parents. Thus, I was especially happy that we could do man yue with my parents before they leave.
In Singapore, we would have a big buffet plus the requisite red eggs and ang ku kueh plus baby favors for the guests. All our relatives, colleagues and friends would have been invited. But here in UK, in the inland part of Milton Keynes, it was not as easy to find caterers of Chinese food who understand our traditions, so we decided to cook everything ourselves. We kept to a small guestlist of Singaporean friends, but I was still concerned that we could not make enough food. Henry, being a man, was hardly worried. Food can either be bought or barbecued... But for us, the women of the house, it was a huge worry. We could not compromise by having a mix of Chinese and Western food for such a traditional event. In the end, I told our guests that light snacks will be served (even though we were really making proper meal food like noodles and curry) and they were recommended to eat lunch before coming, which upset my mum a bit, since in Singapore, everyone would just be fed a proper meal. It was great that my younger sister Yen was also here and helped with the food and we managed to cook up quite a spread.
We had a great time and all the guests were amazed by the food. And despite having been told to come having lunched, they did, more or less, wiped out everything. Mum was pleased that we did not leave anyone hungry and better still, got the amount right. Our guests were happy, because we had Singaporean food. I was happy because we got to meet up with good friends. And I sure hope Henry and Yen were happy, because we celebrated their birthdays (they are Sept babies) as well with a surprise birthday cake and not to mention that Henry got a special sashimi birthday present. The parents were happy, since all the children made the house come alive - we, more or less, form a playgroup, every time we meet. And I know, Mum and Dad were extremely pleased, when we later presented them with framed photographs of them and Julien and us as a family.
On Sunday, we had a beautiful Sunday roast and a nice flow of wine going (actually since Saturday's man yue party). I felt contented, but at the same time, a melancholy set over me. Our last full day together with my parents. I had a sense of wanting to shout "Don't go!" and constantly vacillated between letting Henry send them to London without me and Baby or us driving down together. In the end, I decided we would all go and send them down to London, only 'cos I hate partings and I know if I have to see them leave, see their parting backs to me as they go, I would surely weep. I am that kind of soppy, when it comes to partings. And without a doubt, that comes from Mum - saying farewell at the airport is always so difficult for both of us every time I leave with Henry for an overseas stay - she always starts on the waterworks first. Henry said to me today that I have to stop whining, because now, I have Julien, I am a mother. And I know he is right, but I feel a bit like Peter Pan, a kid stuck in an adult's body (Ok, Peter Pan does not have an adult face or body)...
So, in a few hours' time, we will drive to London together. And I can then, at least, trick myself into thinking that we are just making a day-trip out. And then, we drive back, get back to the business of daily living. Get the hang of being wife, mother and mistress of the house again, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning house while handling my two tigers' needs. And I will be fine again, and living life purposefully. Oh there, here we go again, Purposeful Life calling me - Yes, Julien, Mummy knows it's time to feed! :)
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