Hallo, are you Singaporean?

After my maternity check-up with the consultant today at the hospital, I dropped by the delivery suite to speak to a midwife, any midwife about my birthplan.  For those of us used to the system back home in Singapore, a birthplan is not as common a practice as overseas, as in UK.  According to www.babycentre.co.uk, a birthplan is "a way of communicating with the midwives and doctors who care for you in labour. It tells them about the kind of labour you would like to have, what you want to happen and what you definitely want to avoid."  

Sounds good so far?  Basically, it gives the mother some degree of control over the birthing process. There are all sorts of aspects and options to consider: epidural or drug-free? And if the latter, waterbirth or the normal mobile drug-free? Episiotomy or tearing?  If the baby needs instrumental assistance, forceps or venthouse? If baby is breech, C-section or vaginal breech delivery?  How about induction - a sweep or a drip? To many advocates of birthplans, the birthing process is a special, almost sacred experience and given that every child is a unique individual, it is also a "once-off" opportunity between you and that child, so do you want the baby on your bosom for immediate skin-to-skin contact (advocates believe this is the crucial window for bonding...)  Do you want to breastfeed straightaway? (Then, you will need a front opening gown, in which case you have to bring your own gown, 'cause the hospital gown is back opening...) Or do you want your baby wiped down first? (Again, the concern is that precious window for bonding...)  And the list goes on.

And then there is the issue of the hospital bag.  Apparently, because resources are finite in a public hospital system, it is wise to bring your own supplies.  The NCT (National Childcare Trust) antenatal classes I attended as well as the community hospital midwives have indicated that it is good to bring your own pillow, mat, birthing ball, towels (was told by other experienced mothers that hospital ones are small and often very worn out) and the nice extras like a TENS machine, aromatherapy/massage oil, CDs, books, snacks... 

With this mind-boggling list of options and considerations, we decided to speak to a midwife from Bedford Hospital (which is my choice of hospital and not my community hospital; my community midwife consistently has this sharp reply for me, whenever I ask anything about what to expect during delivery - "I don't know; I don't work at Bedford Hospital."  Small wonder that I am happy to go to another hospital, thank you very much!)

And as chance would have it (or Fate if you will), we were attended to by a Chinese midwife of Malaysian origin.  I have never thought myself to be one who is sticky about finding people of my own race and Malaysia is not my homeland, but I have to say I was absolutely delighted and almost relieved to hear a familiar accent and a Chinese face who understood our customs, practices and beliefs regarding pregnancy, birth and post-natal confinement care. 

Auntie M is about my mum's age and I suppose that adds to my increasing comfort in sharing with her my concerns. The dynamics and direction of the conversation is nothing short of an interesting development. The minute I mentioned the words "birthplan", you can see her stiffen and she started the discussion on the WE-THEM footing ("WE-NHS": read "medical staff who just want to do their job, i.e deliver the baby safely and ensure the mother's safety", and "THEM-NCT": read "fanatical natural-birth, difficult preggie who must have her way as detailed in her birthplan and not be robbed of her precious birth experience").  When I assured her that I only have one objective - to deliver my baby safely, she relaxed and prefaced her sentence with "Back home, we ..."  And before long, we were talking about home, Singaporean/Malaysian practices, our regional dishes, Malaysian restaurants in MK, Malaysian community/networks in our area etc. She ended up giving us an impromptu tour of the maternity ward and by the time we said our goodbyes, I hoped aloud that she would be there when we turn up for our Big Day. 

As I look back at this happy encounter, I thought about how Auntie M has made me feel extremely safe and at home.  Is it because we are from the same ethnicity? Yes. Is it because she is from my region of origin? Yes. Is it because she is around my mother's age? Yes. But more importantly, it is because of her personality. As with any frontline staff, communication and personality are such important factors and now that I am pregnant and in constant contact with them (though I feel "at their mercy" might be a more apt expression here), I have to say these are really crucial attributes for medical staff whose "subjects", i.e.  patients, are naturally usually anxious and concerned. 

Most notably, this experience has reinforced my observation made while living in Switzerland last year. I have always believed that when we are overseas, our friends, regardless of ethnicity/culture or nationality, become our family. And this was very true for me as the wife of an MBA student, who, with the other partners have found in one another a good support group in a foreign land. However, I have also come to realise that people do still prefer and tend to gravitate towards people of their own cultural/national origin (esp when culture and nationality are strongly fused and synonymous), no matter how close you may feel to them.

Singaporeans are a bit of a unique case, I suppose; as a nation, we are made up of very diverse peoples (of a different racial/cultural mix), but we are bound together by a common language that is actually foreign to us all - English. While this can functionally help us to communicate and co-exist, it is not easy to make our ties run deep.  (After all, language is the gateway to culture!) With the dilution of cultures as our society modernises, Singaporeans with their mastery of English, have been able to more or less adopt and blend in (I hesitate to use the word "integrate") rather smoothly into the cultures, habits of most foreign countries, especially so if the language of use is English.  And this may seem to have reduced the need to find people of your own community/nationality.  However, there is no denying that we cannot run away from our roots and the sense of relief and being at home is palpable when one finds a decent restaurant serving Singaporean dishes and meets a fellow Singaporean, and we slip effortlessly into a Singlish conversation peppered with references that only another of one's own community can understand and appreciate.

So, you can understand my delight at meeting Auntie M today at the hospital (even if she is Malaysian; we do have very similar cuisines and we are after all from the same region). And I definitely enjoyed myself yesterday, as we tucked into a Singaporean dinner of laksa, assam fish curry, rojak with a fellow Singaporean and her family (they had Hainanese chicken rice and beef hor fun...YUMS!) at the quite authentic Singapore Garden restaurant in north London.  (Thanks, Wendy, for the last-minute dinner date :)

So here's one for you, Singapore... Happy National Day! 

P.S.:

1. Singapore's National Day is 9 August, but given my penchant for writing after the stroke of midnight, this toast has come late on 10 Aug instead :)
2. I started off this post discussing birthplans, and as part of my online research to ascertain how common a practice birthplans are in Singapore, I came across the Singapore Expats Forum with a thread on birthplans.  My conclusion, after reading it, is that birthplans are not a common local practice, but what I want to add is that I could not help but suppress a chuckle at how the expats found the birthing norms and practices in Singapore primitive (at best) and unethical (at worst), when I had thought the same of my new host country's birthing norms and beliefs (Natural birth fanaticism + most public hospitals prefer you out of the hospital on the same day if everything goes well and normally + hubby cannot stay overnight with you if you are staying overnight; don't even think about private hospitals unless you have a lot, a lot of excess cash to spend!). Desperately wanting to go home to give birth at first, I have since come to accept that wherever I am, this baby has to come out anyhow, anyway and people have given birth here for ages and are okay. But ask me any day, I will still prefer to go back home to deliver - no troublesome or confusing list of options ... just give me my own gynae, the epidural and 4 days' rest in hospital with a room of my own complete with ensuite toilet and yes, the husband will stay overnight with me, thank you! :)  

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/sutra394132.html&sid=2861784b8c1cb146ba2823ff6860dd7d

Laksa

Rojak

Beef Hor Fun