Remembering to Love

A friend posted his proposal video and photos of the proposal trip today.  Happily, his very moved girlfriend had said "Yes".  As I watched the video and the photos, I am touched myself.  He had spent weeks putting the video together and clearly, a lot of effort went into the planning of the proposal and collaboration with the hotel staff in his elaborate plan.  They looked so in love and I would have been surprised if the girl had said "No".  It is always nice to see young love at work; nothing beats the honeymoon glow on those so affected :). To my friend and his wife-to-be, I wish a lifetime of happiness and wedded bliss.

As I reminisced about our own honeymoon days and Henry's proposal, I am reminded of how we all started.  And how we would seek the help of mutual friends to spring surprises on one another, place little presents and cards when least expected, go for nice candlelit dinners, run away for romantic holidays ... How long ago those days seem!  Our married friends then had said the same - to enjoy the "honeymoon" days, 'cos they don't last long, especially after marriage and once the children come along... 

They are both right and wrong.

Undoubtedly, as a couple go further in their married life, the novelty does wear off a bit.  Living together, we go through the phases of learning about each other's habits, trying to change "undesirable" habits (Often, this is a one-sided argument and I have to be fair here, it is usually the woman who believes she can change the man and the world...), before finally growing into a routine with perhaps an air of resignation (that she cannot change the man or the world...).  So, you get some bickering, a little quarrel here and there, but nothing serious.  And little by little, without your realising, you have left the "honeymoon" days behind and picked up the business of everyday living, and everyday living can be a consuming business, as you plan a life together ... So, it is not surprising that married life can lose the rosy tint of young love. 

But you know what, this is normal.

It doesn't mean your love for each other has diminished or faded. It just means your energy is now diverted to the more utilitarian activities of building a family together, including the very important and practical concern of making enough money to expand the family.

But it certainly means that you can easily forget, lose focus on what made you be together in the first place.  And I don't mean the the amnesia kind of forgetting.  It is the short-term kind of forgetting, short enough to make you flare up unreasonably and say hurtful words that you did not really mean to say and regret afterwards. The impulsive kind of outburst that anyone can be prone to.

Like any normal couple, Daddy Low and I have gone through such bouts. And being the more tempestuous one, I have often been the one to stubbornly stick it out and refuse to budge.  The only times when I have given in would be the times when I can clearly see I am in the wrong, but hey, the woman is always, right!  Or so, most times, the woman thinks :)

But any relationship worth its salt works through the knots and rides through such rough spots.  There is only that long a time that any one party can ignore the other and we know that these are only little bumps in our journey that we will have to go through.  So, we accept the bickering and even the more major quarrels, and learn to read each other's patterns and manuovre around each other in those testy times.

But I did say the friends are partly wrong. And that is because we still try to inject little gestures and nice surprises for each other in everyday life. Well, not everyday, but every now and then even in the midst of the business of everyday living. 

I have to admit that I have been short on my end during my pregnancy and after Baby Julien is here. The business of growing a baby while inside and taking care of one while outside certainly wears one out both physically and emotionally.  This is not to say that Daddy Low is not burdened by the duties of this newly expanded family or by the demands of his work.  And I can only be fair here by saying that he has been the more generous one in his patience, affections and energy.

And his tenderness touches my heart.

Like when one day, I was so shattered and just lying in bed, feeling all worn out.  And knowing what a rough night I had, he simply came and laid down beside me and held me. That little embrace may not have been any big thing or expensive gift, but it was a little couple time together that we have found so little time for these days.  It made me think of the advice so many friends gave before delivery - enjoy each other's company before Baby comes.  And I have been so caught up with Baby that I have just all about forgotten that.

And while I was supposed to be confined at home for this one month, Daddy Low would grab opportunities for little breaks for me by bringing me out on little errands that could have been done without me.  Today, we left Baby behind with the grandparents to do a spot of grocery shopping despite my mum's attempts to discourage it.  It was just a trip to the supermarket.  Nothing posh, nothing fancy.  But it was a nice breather.  And suddenly, it struck me that it was really nice to just have some time with Daddy Low alone, even if it was to buy some fruits, meat and peas.

Stolen moments like these are precious to me and now, they stand out vividly in my memories.  I am thankful for these little reminders and know that romance, affection and love do exist even after the "honeymoon" feel may have passed - they just mellow and mature with us and our relationship.